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9.3. What happened to Alma?

The short version is that in Alma's immediate family, there have been schizophrenia, several suicides and several adoptions.

Maria, Alma's identical twin sister, died at 40 with a diagnosis. She had a child who was also adopted away, just as Alma adopted hers.

Maria's child has been out in public, expressed her grief and pain, and received great sympathy and recognition for daring to be open and vulnerable.

The father of Alma's daughter Helene died at the age of 50 without having met his daughter. Morriña. Helene, who I have a childhood picture of in my album from 1985, is the one I feel most sorry for, without thus ranking the events in any way. I've had her in mind in everything I write.

After her sister's death, Alma has apparently isolated herself.

She has hardly any contact with the family but stays mostly inside, alone, in her apartment. At times she travels to a cabin in the mountains and is alone in nature there.

That is what I have heard and know. That is how I see it for myself.

I know many other things, too, that I can not tell.

The details are not important, they are more of the same, and there is a great deal of seriousness in them.

In my eyes, it seems like all of Alma's relationships have broken down.

Am I surprised?

Is it not precisely the same thing that has happened to me?

Is not this a natural consequence of awakening spiritually, that one can no longer tolerate people who are blind? It hurts to walk around and pretend; it is no longer helpful.

Alma thinks I am blind.

What do I think of her?

She's in her «varhet», the presence, the pure amness – I imagine.

That's my thought about her. Maybe I'm tricking myself into thinking positively, or perhaps she has done much better than I think.

She took the step away from all the sick and let it go, for it was just the result of fear and inherited pain. She woke up and saw. She was already there when I met her in 1985.

That's how I think.

She always knew about something else, like me.

We stay afloat because we see and know.

She in her way, I in mine.