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5. Alma

To discover yourself, you must crack a code. You have to find your core, who you really are, as opposed to who you imagine yourself to be, who you try to be – usually without quite succeeding because it's not real.

When I was 24, I met a woman who confirmed what I had discovered long ago but, at the time, did not quite understand. She hit me «home»; she pointed to the point in me that is me – and that changed everything.

This chapter tells a subtle, deep, sad, hurtful and beautiful love story (if I may say so myself). Read it with your heart.
So, let's go back to the story about the one who made me awaken and put me on the right track.

I've already given you some hints as to why her contribution was so significant – to me. It is about being alert, present in one's life, seeing the world and oneself from a larger, truer perspective.

Vigilance and perspective are my things too.

More than that, it's something I am, for this way of being present in the world was hard-coded into me as a toddler. I do not know of anything else.

Vigilance and perspective.

The wolf roams far away from the flock of sheep and also from its own pack of wolves.

The lone wolf, one in a million animals in the forest – is alert and has perspective. That is its speciality, of necessity.


We have another word in Norwegian, and a certain person, Alma, made me aware of it. The word is varhet, pointing to the essence of existence itself. It plays a major role when we are soon to move into philosophy1 and from there to mechanisms and science.

The story about Alma involves a woman who lives among us. I was once close to her, but today the relationship is complicated, a non-relationship. This person is in an unusual living situation, and some close relatives are also affected.

There is a lot of pain.

Of course, there is a lot of pain.